Defining Self in the Face of Big Change

As I contemplate my transition from "not being a mother" to "being a mother", I find myself working diligently to tie up all the loose ends in my life.  There are physical loose ends to tie up, like cleaning out  the closet that will become my daughter's closet; and there are personal/emotional loose ends to tie up.  One prominent personal/emotional loose end to tie up is: who am I, anyway?  Yes, I just went there- to the completely philosophical.  But this seems important because I feel that it would be nice to have a sense of self in order to be a proper guide for my daughter as she develops her sense of self in the upcoming years.

Maybe I don't need to completely and perfectly define "who I am"; but it would be nice to tidy up my quest so it becomes manageable and sustainable.  For instance, I sat down today to tally up the blogs I have going and their purpose in my life.  Here's the tally:

• myersfamilylove.com, which is a place where I attempt to keep up-to-date posts and pictures of my family-of-origin.  This blog allows me to sit and contemplate my family and my place in it. 
• cottonfamilylove.blogspot.com, which is a place where I can share pertinent information about my current nuclear family with anyone who cares to keep up-to-date.
• christopherandkate.com has not been updated in years.  Christopher set it up just before our wedding to give us a way to share info with people coming from out-of-town.  But then I decided that I didn't like wordpress, or was reluctant to learn it, and so I used it maybe once since the wedding and christopher has not used it at all.
• katecotton.com never really took off, because I wasn't sure what I wanted to say at the time, and I had used the program iweb to create it and that anchored me to a certain computer.  Furthermore, iweb is a bit of a pain.
• teacher.katecotton.com is where I started a professional web site advertising my teacher skills.  The question became "who am I advertising these skills to anyway?".  I still don't know and it also suffers from the iweb problem so it has not been updated since it's creation.

That brings me to this very blog.  I started this blog after my first AWA (Amherst Writers and Artists) meeting (thanks for introducing me to that Joslyne!!!).  I posted what I wrote that day.  And then I posted what I wrote in subsequent sessions. Over time, it became the place where I write things (or paste quotes) that are personal to me (not my family or husband or anyone else).

This site has been a great outlet for certain things I want to articulate, but I have not been able to shake some underlying insecurity about it, namely:

• Who would care to read the rambling thoughts that I write?
• Will I say something that I later disagree with myself about, and regret?  Or will I write stuff that will reveal the true, boring, philosophical, nerd that I am, and then anyone who reads this will cease to like me anymore?
• What if someone actually does care to read it, and I'm then held responsible for what I write (should this blog be closed to others)?

I'm sure I have other insecurities, but I like lists of three. :)  (OCD anyone???)

I think that finding an answer to those three questions will provide me with a little more certainty about what I'm doing here and how to proceed with purpose.  In general, I like the idea of keeping a little space on the web that reflects me, and allows me self-expression, but when my insecurities come up I get doubtful that it is worth it.

For now, I will sit with the uncertainty and see where this site takes me. 

I Like This Einstein Quote

Private capital tends to become concentrated in few hands, partly because of competition among the capitalists, and partly because technological development and the increasing division of labor encourage the formation of larger units of production at the expense of the smaller ones. The result of these developments is an oligarchy of private capital the enormous power of which cannot be effectively checked even by a democratically organized political society.

This is true since the members of legislative bodies are selected by political parties, largely financed or otherwise influenced by private capitalists who, for all practical purposes, separate the electorate from the legislature. The consequence is that the representatives of the people do not in fact sufficiently protect the interests of the underprivileged sections of the population. Moreover, under existing conditions, private capitalists inevitably control, directly or indirectly, the main sources of information (press, radio, education). It is thus extremely difficult, and indeed in most cases quite impossible, for the individual citizen to come to objective conclusions and to make intelligent use of his political rights. — Albert Einstein, Monthly Review, May 1949[1]

The Big Business Economy

I am not an economist, and I don't have an academic language about macroeconomics,  but I have read some books on economics and keep track of the political point-of-view on the economy.  There is a thought that I have been having about my own habits and the subsequent impact on the economy around me.


The topic is this: what is supposed to happen when the Republicans fully reduce taxes for wealthy big business?  If I understand correctly, the reduced tax burden on businesses is supposed to free more of their revenue, causing them to "invest" in their businesses.  I have taken this to mean that they will grow their business and ultimately need more employees, thereby creating jobs.


There is one small aspect of this plan that I've been thinking about.  Christopher and I try to live simply so as to minimize our impact on the environment.   We are avoiding buying "reusable" stuff as much as possible (napkins, paper and plastics).  We enjoy shopping at Goodwill stores and finding awesome stuff without having to go "new".  It makes us feel good.  The problem is this, if we aren't buying stuff, then who is?  When I was a child, Goodwill stores had a stigma: only the poor shopped there.  My mother would not shop there as a matter of pride.  She loved new things and felt good providing "stuff" for us. How many people still live how my mother did?  I hear of people buying stuff at Goodwill all the time, and it is not spoken about in shame, but with pride of finding something "cool".


Add to that the Dave Ramsey effect.  Dave is on a mission to get more and more Americans living debt-free.  Christopher and I have been influenced by this movement.  Our house is paid off, our cars are paid off, and when we want something big we save up for it before we buy it.  Because we have few recurring expenses, saving up does not take long.  But, if we are not paying off a loan, then some bank is not making interest off of us.  The more people get out of debt, the less interest banks will make.  Again, I am no economist, but I can only conclude that this trend leads to fewer jobs (banking jobs).


So what's going to happen?  The big business who sells a widget will have a tax break and how will they spend their money expanding?  I'm guessing the first thing they will do is get more aggressive about marketing to their target demographic to get them to buy more, more more.  What happens when that demographic contains lots of people like me who are happy living simple lives and really don't want more, more, more?

Public School, What Should It Accomplish? Be Concrete.

What should public school in any country ultimately accomplish?  The answer to that question elicits all kinds of generalizations that all people can agree on.  But the answer I want is more concrete.  And I'm disappointed that there is not more concrete discussion about the ultimate goal of education.  Let's take an internet tour to see what official "big picture" organizations see as the big picture...

From www.ed.gov:

The mission of the Department of Education is to promote student achievement and preparation for global competitiveness by fostering educational excellence and ensuring equal access. It engages in four major types of activities:

1. Establishes policies related to federal education funding, administers distribution of funds and monitors their use.
2. Collects data and oversees research on America's schools.
3. Identifies major issues in education and focuses national attention on them.
4. Enforces federal laws prohibiting discrimination in programs that receive federal funds.

From another part of www.ed.gov:

OVERVIEW
An Overview of the U.S. Department of Education
November 2009

The U.S. Department of Education is the agency of the federal government that establishes policy for, administers, and coordinates most federal assistance to education.

Feeling well-informed and inspired?  I'm not.  So let's go to the TN department of ed site (since I teach in TN) Tennessee Department of Education Welcome to the Tennessee Department of Education. A quality education is the fundamental right of every child in Tennessee. The department provides many services, and it is our responsibility to ensure equal, safe, and quality learning opportunities for all students, pre-kindergarten through 12th grade. Therefore, our mission is to help teachers teach and children learn. This department consists of several divisions – Special Education, Vocational-Technical Education, Resources and Support Services, Office of Early Learning and Teaching and Learning. Remembering our priority of putting teachers and students first drives the department’s daily operations: Service: We are here to support the 136 school districts and 1,677 schools in Tennessee and to help them in their daily efforts to educate our children. We also provide services to approximately 575 private schools and thousands of home-schooled students across the state. When making inquiries to our department, you should expect prompt, thoughtful, and courteous responses. Accountability: The department fills a role as a keeper and distributor of pertinent education data. This information is used to demonstrate academic performance, to reward schools performing well, and to provide additional resources and assistance to schools in need of improvement. Partnership: We believe that more can be accomplished when we all work together rather than separately. By partnering with local schools, parents, businesses, and organizations, we can provide more books, more awards, more grants, and more expertise. This means more, and better, educational opportunities for our students. Innovation: The way children learn is changing every day. We are committed to using technology in the classroom. We are also working to involve parents and community leaders to ensure that students are equipped with the skills necessary for higher levels of education, the world of work, and lifelong learning.

Bottom line:  a lot of words are written, but I have no more clear idea of why we are educating our population.  I believe that we would do a whole lot better if we had a clear idea of why we are educating our kids.  Things like "being competitive in the world" NEED to be fleshed out in more concrete (and ideally more inspiring) terms.

Poetry Reading

For the first time ever, I attended a poetry reading.  One of the featured poets is my friend Lisa D.  As it coincidentally turned out, I knew one of the other poets because she is the daughter of a co-worker of mine.  To sum up my experience, it was great.  Poems come more alive for me when they are read with feeling; when I read them I don't get the same effect.  The poets were inspiring, smart and creative.  


The experience stimulated my inner creativity in ways that I find hard to define.  So I'm just going to go with the feeling and see what comes up.  Who knows...

Karl Marx a Misogynist?

I was reading Ill Fares the Land by Tony Judt and was reminded that I wanted to read A Communist Manifesto by Karl Marx and Friedrich Engles for a while now and I have it on my shelf.  And so I put down Ill Fares the Land and started reading A Communist Manifesto

I came across this sentence and found it misogynistic.  "The less the skill and exertion of strength implied in manual labor, in other words, the more industry becomes developed, the more is the labor of men superseded by that of women.  Differences of age and sex have no longer any distinctive social validity for the working class.  All are instruments of labor, more or less expensive to use, according to their age and sex".

Not that I expected Karl Marx to be a feminist activist, but I was surprised to find this sentence nevertheless.

Thoughts I Want to Put Down (But I'm Not Sure They Make Sense)

So in the night I woke up and couldn't sleep for a bit.  Random thoughts happen then, so reader beware.  By random, I mean potentially boring for you.  But the thoughts seemed so well formed and normal at that point.  I'm going to try to recreate them here and see just how, ahem, normal they seem now.

First, the reader should be aware of how much opinion news/politics shows I watch.  I TiVO Rachel Maddow and Keith Olbermann every day and get to actually watch them most days.  I also have been listening to a podcast when I run long runs called "Best of the Left".

So last night I was thinking about tax cuts.  Huh?,  you say.  Right, I say.  Middle of the night.  Tax cuts.

Anyway, I was thinking about the philosophy of tax cuts for the wealthy as a way to improve the economy via "trickle down" economics.  And I was thinking of our consumer-generated economy.  How the American Pursuit of Stuff underpins the entire global economy (am I making Americans too important here- ah, fodder for another post).  But I digress.  Back to the topic.  So Americans are counted on to buy stuff, and then throw it into the landfill when done and then buy more stuff.  At least, that's my current opinion on the matter.

But then I got to thinking about Christopher's and my habits, and the cultural mores around buying "new" (I think that thrift shop shopping and craigslist buying is a growing trend, correct me if I'm wrong) and I think we are on dangerous ground if we give tax cuts to the wealthy.  Now, Christopher and I do not fit the definition of "wealthy" according to the tax cutoff (over $250,000) but we are comfortable.  And we are in the market for baby stuff.  And we are so happy and excited when we find something that is gently used so we don't have to buy new.  Our decision is not based on our income (because we have the income to buy new).  But we care about the landfills getting too big and overflowing.  And we care about the pollution that factories making "new" stuff are generating.  And we know our use of this baby stuff will be relatively short in the grand scheme of things so we don't want to get to saddled with "stuff" we will shortly have to get rid of in order to reduce clutter.

And so, my middle of the night meanderings led me to this conclusion.  We need to discuss the efficacy of  "trickle down" economics in the context of our current cultural paradigm.  And I would love it if that's what the Republicans/Libertarians/Tea Party Folks would explain and defend.  But I know that will never happen. :(  It seems painfully obvious, *really obvious*, that a trend towards "less regulation" and "smaller government" brings us exactly back to the late 1800's and early 1900's.   At that time, there was unfettered wealth held by a few, small government and little regulation.  The wealth did not "trickle down" but rather led to the hugest plummet of American quality of life ever in the history of this country (IMHO)- the Great Depression.

Why are so many middle class Americans fighting for pre-depression conditions in this country?  Because the field of psychology in the area of marketing is so advanced.  And the wealthy know how to find the experts who will convince the average American that tax cuts for the wealthy are good for them too.  Oh sad.  So sad.

Academic Generalists- People Who Connect the Dots

Again, based on inspiration from Tony Judt's book Ill Fares the Land, I am prompted to explore the concept of "Academic Generalists".  By "Academic Generalists",  I mean people who care to get invested in various academic fields and investigate the similarities and differences of the seemingly disparate subjects.  My impression from my own limited graduate school experience is that structured academia values people who have an incredibly deep understanding of a small part of a field of study.  This way of doing things was not and is not appealing to my academic persona.  The more interesting parts of my graduate experience happened at my apartment where I was the only person studying chemistry among roommates who had studied economics and public policy.

A related area of investigation for me is the idea of institutions of higher learning as microcosms of the real world, with all the benefits and limitations of working closely with other humans.  I personally found graduate school to be limiting of free thought and was deeply disappointed at how important the human aspect of interactions were to success.  By this, I am referring to classic "brown-nosing".

I'm sure I will be developing these ideas in future posts.

A Brief Thought

I am reading Tony Judt's book "Ill Fares the Land" and I just had a spontaneous thought that I want to put into words.

Is it possible that the greatest evil on earth is taking advantage of the trust of another individual or group of individuals in order to achieve one's aims?  Okay, maybe not the greatest evil, but one of the greatest?

Rand Paul Hits the Big Stage

I am riveted by the whole Rachel Maddow/Rand Paul interview.  Rand was saying things I've heard people I'm close to, including relatives, say in private.  It was very satisfying to hear the complexities of his view come into full light in the national public spotlight.  His views are like makeup that looks good in the mirror under low light but looks awful in the full light of day.  When exposed to the full light of national scrutiny, his views leave a lot to be desired.

Rand has a world perspective that reflects his limited, cozy life experiences.  As his views get debated on the larger stage, I hope that the value of a broader education becomes the lesson for people.  If people spend a percent of the time they spent reading the Bible on learning more about the rest of the world outside of Christianity, they would serve the planet better.  Education is such a gift because it can give us a view outside of our life bubble.  I personally have a thirst to understand the experiences of others as best I can given the limitations of my perspective.  I hope that the lesson from Rand Paul is for more people to step out of their small, limited world view and attempt to see the world as it affects more people.  Only then can we have true empathy.

Two Days of School Left

The end of the school year is always particularly stressful for me.  As an ENFP personality type (see Myers-Briggs test) I am a big starter of things but necessarily a strong finisher.  There is so much I wish I had done differently and some things that went fine.  I have wonderful students.  The kids fill my heart- even the tough ones.

Summer begins soon.  I plan to write, so check back on this blog...

How the Media is Changing- An Interesting Conversation

This links to a video of an interesting conversation about the media and how to have a real impact in the world.  More discussion to follow.

http://lauraflanders.firedoglake.com/2010/02/25/beyond-echo-van-slyke-clark/

My Latest Favs on the Internet- Left-leaning Web sites

It's mostly political analysis from a lefty point of view...

grittv.org

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/ezra-klein/

Add to those my standard favs:

The Rachel Maddow Show: rachel.msnbc.com

Countdown with Keith Olbermann: countdown.msnbc.com

The Daily Show: thedailyshow.com

I'm totally into politics these days.

Interesting reading on potential fixes to the economy, written by an Economist.  Rational but politically unfeasible:

http://content.ksg.harvard.edu/blog/jeff_frankels_weblog/2009/12/01/ten-ways-to-move-the-budget-back-toward-a-sustainable-path/

Saturdays with Lots To Do

Okay, it's Saturday morning.  I've had my caffeine.  I've enjoyed sitting around in pajamas a bit.  It's 8 am and I've been up for about two hours now.  I have watched TVoed episodes of Rachel Maddow and Keith Olbermann.  I'm sufficiently outraged at Big Corporate and how they get rich while most people get poor.  I've had breakfast and played with Kitty.  I have plans to run at 10 am with Joslyne.  Christopher is still sleeping and I can get cracking on that great big "To Do" list running in my head.

But what to start with?  Read those books that I have borrowed from others and need to return?  Dust the furniture after the minor repair work we had done this week?  Finally make sense of that room in the front of the house that has no purpose and is just a catch-all of random stuff?  Start a load of laundry?  Start correcting the test I gave last week?  Format the digital pics from our wedding so we can order some prints to hang in our living room?  Call a friend I want to catch up with?  Prepare a surprise for Christopher before he gets up?  Modify and update the spreadsheet of our finances?  Spend time meditating and getting spiritual?

Now I hear my Mother's voice in my head... "If your biggest problem right now is figuring out what to do then you are in good shape!"  And it's true, things could be much worse.

But I still don't know what to do with myself right now.

Ironically, although I think I don't know what to do, I have chosen.  To write this blog.

Called my Senator

I did it.  I just called my US Senator to express an opinion on legislation.  The Senator in question is Lamar Alexander of TN.  The legislation I was calling to support was the "Fair Elections Now Act".  The act supports across-the-board restrictions on big money donors to reduce the influence of monied lobbyists.  Some believe that the interests of lobbyists eclipse the interest of the American people.  I think it does too.  And my phone call was evidence.  The woman who answered the phone did not know of the act and said that the Senator has not released a statement on that.  Then she told me that she would pass on a message to  the Senator.  She did not ask my name.  I asked her why she didn't need my name.  She said that she can see on her caller ID that I am calling from a TN area code.  Oh really?  Makes me glad I finally got around to switching my cell phone area code from MA to TN.  Makes me glad I didn't call from the RI area code phone number I almost got so my Mom doesn't have to call long distance.

I think my story is in itself the case in point.  Congress can and does summarily dismiss the will of any constituent who does not have thousands of dollars to throw their way.  All the more reason for needing the Act in my opinion.

If you are interested in reading more, email me for the web site.  I want my FB experience to be a social one and not a political one (by and large) but on this issue I'm breeching the divide.

Another Interesting TED talk

This talk is short and interesting.

Derek Sivers: Weird, or just different? | Video on TED.com

Before I heard this talk I didn't know anything about Derek Sivers, so I googled him and found his blog. Some cool perspective there. Read on if you are interested.

http://sivers.org/blog

Celebrating MLK Day a Little Late

Okay, MLK day was a couple of weeks ago, but I realized today that I had never listened to the "I have a Dream" speech before and TED.com had it posted. So I'm linking it here and inviting my reader(s) (hee hee Joslyne, I'm practicing for more readers! :) ) to watch and listen and think about what it would have been like to have lived at that time and been there that day.

As I watched the speech I was struck by the behavior of the crowd while he spoke. They were listening calmly. Could all those people hear him? Was the sound system that good at that time? In any event, I'm sure I'll watch it again because I want to be sure that I really heard what he had to say.

So, without further ado, here is the link:

Martin Luther King Jr.: I have a dream | Video on TED.com

Talk by JK Rowling at the 2008 Harvard graduation.

This video was posted by a friend of Christopher's. I found it very interesting.  Watch and get your own perspective:

JK Rowling: The fringe benefits of failure | Video on TED.com

Facebook Stati (plural of status)

Kate Myers Cotton believes that church and state should be kept completely separate.  This means that politicians need to succumb to the will of the variety of people they represent, not their own internal beliefs.

Kate Myers Cotton loves the idea of America as a melting pot and thinks this concept applies to religion as well as ethnicity.  Let's embrace and celebrate our diversity!

Kate Myers Cotton is inspired by the intelligence and leadership of President Obama.  Speaking up in the face of opposition is occasionally uncomfortable but often necessary.  Rational thinking people need to elevate their voices.

I'm not quite ready to use my voice on my actual Facebook account.  I'm afraid of ruining relationships with those who are on the other side of my thoughts.  But I am trying to get ready to do it.  I am.  I want to.  I need the courage to get out there.  I just don't quite have it yet.

Time vs. Money

The concept of time competing with money is so interesting to me.  As I get older, my goal is to strike the correct balance between working (and sometimes earning money) and enjoying the time in between work days.  In recent years I have felt a dearth of both time and money, but currently I feel almost desperate for more relaxed, unstructured time.  


I'm a big reader of the self-help-manage-your-time-better books and have found many reasonable hints along the way.  If I were to summarize the underlying theme of all those books, it would be "be organized so that you know what's going on and can relax and enjoy when its time".  Good idea.  Except being organized takes time!  I love it when I have the time to hunker down with my stuff and organize, organize organize.  But alas, I have not the time.


So when I find myself in the midst of that circular dilemma, I get neurotic.  How do other people do it?  Maybe I should go to the doctor to check for a major disease that affects my energy levels.  Maybe I'm more depressed than I think and as a result I have less energy than other, more normal people.  


Sometimes my mind goes to places that I like with this.  For instance, I fancy myself to be this introverted artist and genius who doesn't have time for the mundane because I have a heretofore unreleased genius output just struggling for birth.  (I like that one- if only reality would correspond.)


So, at the end of the day, I'm a regular person struggling with time management issues just like Anyone Else.  So if Anyone Else has any hints or thoughts on how to manage these things I'd very much appreciate it. Humorous diversions are welcome. :)